“It’s all about the bride.”
I don’t really know how this attitude started. It’s not a birthday party; it’s a wedding. The union of two people, two families, two lives. So why then do we have this attitude of it being the bride’s big day, and that she’s the queen, and everyone has to do her bidding? What about the groom? Women wonder why men can be disinterested in weddings in general…um, really? How would you feel if you had to listen to him ranting and obsessing about the details of one day, a year in advance, in which you play a crucial role but get none of the attention?
Starting to make sense now, isn’t it?
And it’s worse when the bride-elect is one of those types who has been planning her “big day” since she was a little girl, and the groom is just the last accessory she needs. Women like this either don’t care about what the groom wants to contribute to the day, or they dismiss his ideas because they don’t fit with her plan.
Ladies, don’t be that woman. Just don’t. Men everywhere are thanking me right now for saying this.
No one is going to remember how wonderful your wedding was if the marriage is over in a year. And not listening to your man’s opinions and needs is a surefire way to kill a marriage before it starts.
Here are a few ideas for making your wedding man-friendly. Not just for your groom, but for his friends and for the male guests. Taking them into consideration is one truly fantastic way to avoid the generic wedding.
The Suave Man Cave
If you haven’t personally encountered this yet, you’ve surely heard about it. Co-habitating couples often fight about integrating their possessions, and the solution is usually “the man cave.” A room or maybe a retrofitted garage that stores your man’s ratty old pleather couches, his barely-touched drum set and base, and his B-movie horror posters. It’s his space to lounge around in a T-shirt and holey boxers, leave rings on furniture, and pass gas without a second thought.
I’m not advocating such a space at your wedding. But I am saying that it’s a great idea to set aside a space to serve as a men’s lounge.
Cigar bars are trending right now for this very purpose: men in suits enjoying cigars and whiskey on the rocks. I have it on
the boyfriend’s good authority that this would be very popular with older gentlemen and college students. That is quite literally one end of the spectrum and the other. Sounds like a great idea to me!
You can set up your own bar with a table and an assortment of cigars from a local vendor, or you can hire a vendor to come and bring everything with him. If you have cash to blow, you can get actual cigar rollers to come and make them for your guests as they watch.
Let Them Watch The Game
How often have you seen a man’s face fall when he realizes he needs to accompany you somewhere, at the same time that “the game” is on? Instead of having to pry them away from their smart phones as they constantly check up on it, why not set up an LCD screen somewhere so they can watch it? I’m not sure of the logistics here, but mention it to the groom or maybe one of the dads and see if he can’t figure something out.
A Little Vegas Flair
There’s a reason The Hangover takes place in Vegas. Vegas is fun. Casino games are fun. Maybe you two like going to Vegas. I don’t know the particular, but I’d definitely consider having a few classic casino tables at the reception. Put it in the same space as the cigar bar. Get one or two tables, like Blackjack and Roulette. Something easy and fun. It’s a good idea to have these set up during dinner, so they can be enjoyed during the first hour or two of dancing.
Make sure you don’t leave the Men’s Lounge area open all night, or you risk losing all your male guests to one corner! Two hours is a good time limit; take the lounge away. At this point, the men have had a few drinks and are loosened up enough to actually try some dancing!
He Gets to Make (a few) Decisions.
Let Him Rent the Getaway Car
Yes, I know you’d love to have your guests see the vintage Rolls Royce as they file in to the ceremony, and watch it drive off with you inside, swathed ethereally in your white veil and waving like Cinderella. It’s fun, but why not let your groom rent the car of his choice? Can you imagine the way his eyes will light up as you tell him “Honey, why don’t you rent the getaway car. Whatever car you like, so long as we can both get in it.”Not only will he love driving it around all day – rather than be chauffered – but he’ll feel like a king when he guns the engine and takes off, his new wife at his side, and all his friends watching. Plus…it’ll make for some great pre-ceremony photos of him and the groomsmen.
*Author’s Note: I just conducted a highly unscientific experiment on the boyfriend.
“Honey, what would you consider a great classic car? What would you want the wedding getaway car to be, hypothetically?”
His face lit up and in five minutes he’d sent me half a dozen links, including the two you saw above. He was giggling and exclaiming “such a good-looking car,” under his breath.
So…he just proved my point.
Let Him Plan the Honeymoon
It used to be that the bride (and her family) planned and paid for the wedding, and the groom planned and paid for the honeymoon.
Recently, I’ve seen it more that the bride plans everything. She gets final say over ever detail of the wedding, and she plans where the couple goes on their honeymoon. This strikes me as massively unfair. The groom has been patiently listening to you go on about the difference between the colors Blush and Bashful, accompanying you to tastings and reception tours, and after all of that, he doesn’t even get a say in the vacation?
I think, if the bride wants total control of the wedding, let the groom have total control of the honeymoon. Suck it up and go adventuring instead of lying on a beach, if that’s what he wants.
Or, if you’ve been a good bride and planned your wedding with your groom, then you can plan the honeymoon together, too. It’s all about balance.
Have Sex on Your Wedding Night.
To some people, it’s a given: “of course we’re going to have sex on our wedding night.”
And to others, it’s not such a big deal. If the couple has been sexually active, or even living together for a while, the emphasis may not be on consummating the marriage.
But make no mistake, ladies: your new husband is expecting it. Yes, you are likely to be tired by the time you two finally make it to your suite. But really, make an effort here: you just pledged your love and your life to this man, in front of everyone important in your life. You need to pledge it to him again, in private. Don’t just flop onto the bed, and for goodness’ sake don’t spurn his advances!
– Make sure you stay hydrated for the duration of the wedding.
– Make sure you leave before you get too tired.
-Ditch the foundation garments and shimmy into something really sexy. He’s not going to want to see your Spanx. And while you’re at it, surprise him: he’ll be expecting white lingerie. Try a bright red teddy. You’re not going for demure, here. Men are extremely visual, so give him something to look at! He will thank you for it, and it’ll be a memory you quietly reference on your subsequent anniversaries.